Sara Thompson/Secondary Research

Abuse Emotional/ Physical

http://www.attn.com/stories/8198/maybehedoesnthityou-twitter-exposes-non-physical-abuse

Thesis: Abuse does not have to be physical to be qualified as abuse. It also shows the effect that social media can have on an issue in society.

http://www.sascwr.org/files/www/resources_pdfs/abuse/Abuse_in_Same_Sex_Relationships.pdf

Thesis: Abuse exists in homosexual relationships just as often as heterosexual relationships.

Synthesis: We as a population tend to categorize abuse in multiple ways. It is more common to consider abuse as being physical before mental, emotional, or economical. Abuse exists in all forms. We also tend to stereotype those who abuse; usually being heterosexual males abusing females. All people, no matter their race, age, gender, or sexual preference are capable of abuse.

 

Travel

http://alcoholrehab.com/drug-addiction/substance-abuse-and-airline-travel/

Thesis: There is a direct relationship between alcohol/drug consumption in regards to traveling by airplane.

http://www.hivtravel.org/Default.aspx?PageId=143&Mode=list&StateId=4

Thesis: Singapore this past year lifted it’s ban on HIV positive people being able to enter the country. Many countries still have these bans. 58 have restrictions on staying longer than 90 days, 17 have a 90 day limit, and 13 ban all HIV positive people.

http://www.thecultureist.com/2014/08/18/millennials-characteristics-becoming-nomadic/

Thesis: Millennials are changing the culture of buying homes, choosing to rent, traveling from job to job as they please; living a “nomadic” lifestyle.

Synthesis: People handle traveling in different ways. Some fear travel, taking drugs or alcohol to compensate, some wish to travel but cannot, while others embrace travel, never wanting to be in one place for too long. Some even choose to travel when not necessary. In contrast others travel because they have to, whether that be because of homelessness, addiction, etc.

Textual Analysis/ Sara Thompson/ Sara Cassidy

Barbara / Sara Cassidy & Sara Thompson

-Themes:

Finding Love / Herself

Barbara has no love in family life, seeks love in sexual ways, which leads her to drugs and marrying someone who is HIV positive, being diagnosed, having a child and not learning the motherly instincts until her queen is 12. Barbara has never really been on her own (without a man) since age 12, since HIV she has learned how to be independent and how to trust/love only herself and her opinions.

“They knew how to cook for you, buy you clothes, I guess pay the rent, you know?  There wasn’t no hugging and kissing and all that stuff, that was abnormal in our house; that wasn’t a normal thing to do.  The normal thing to do was to feed you.”

“I have an aunt, now she’s in her 80’s and I love her, I’m learning how to love her because I learned how to love myself, so I know how to give love to other people.”

“I had a lot of sexual partners.  I didn’t think anything was wrong with it because I was looking for a man to love me like my father was supposed to love me.”

“My sister had already took my daughter, so I had nothing to live for.”

“I was just tired.  I came from somewhere, in my mind I knew I came from somewhere and I wasn’t born to be this right here, you understand me?”

“My goal is, I know I’m ahead of time, but my goal is to bring awareness.”

“But I’m not sad today being HIV positive.  I’m not sad today for the fact that had I not and this might sound real strange, had I not started using drugs, had I not been in that place to meet the man that I met out there, using drugs, and doing what I do to get my drugs through that individual, I would never have my queen today.”

Positivity / Rising Above

Barbara has had a tough life with many turmoils but she never sounds depressed or scared or sad. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel

“I’m a challenger, I still am.  I’m a challenger.”

“So not wanting to be the dumb child, I became the clown.  So I disturbed the whole class with my jokes and my attitude.””

“…the other three, paint the town red!  Blue and green (laughter).  Yes, we were the street runners.”

“I am a positive person today.  I live my life very, very, very positive.”

“Because I am a person that refused to let anyone hold me hostage in my past because I work hard to get past my past. “

“Today’s beautiful.  My daughter– She’s one of those daughters, and I’ve seen so many young ladies how they curse their moms, how they fight their moms because of their mom’s past.  My daughter don’t do that.”

Travel:

Throughout Barbara’s life she was constantly traveling whether that be from home to home as an addict, her daughter moving between living with her and her sister, and her husband moving away. She ends her interview speaking of “God’s path” for her explaining why she has traveled throughout her life.

“Matter of fact my daughter, she stood with my sister until the age of 12, she was going back and  forth from the age of 12 into the psych wards, and I knew then I had to get my life together.”

“And the guy I was with in the room, he moved from one room to the next and took me with him.”

“So at the end of the path whatever you’ve earned through your ups and downs, your trials and tribulations, it’s right there because God put it there for you to get.”

“I had to do a lot of running around,running around with that.”

Education/ Learning:

Barbara expresses her love to learn as a child, though her teachers did not think she was able, and continues to learn motherly instincts for her child as well as wants to educate other people affected by HIV.

“As I got older I learned how to read and write just by picking up the newspaper, reading something a thousand times, and trying to understand, trying my best to understand and I just knew that–. . .”

“Even though it wasn’t fully there and I didn’t have that motherly instinct and stuff, but it was kicking in.”

“But today, to give back to society, to give back to somebody to help me, even to give back to welfare that took care of me all my life, to pay into Medicaid and my insurance and pay taxes and all that good stuff. I hate it, but to pay bills, that a good thing, to give back.”

Abuse

Throughout Barbara’s life she experiences all types of abuse. From alcohol abuse from her mother, mental abuse from her father, her own drug abuse, as well as sexual abuse.

“My parents, well, my father was a number runner and my mother was an alcoholic.”

“I didn’t never feel loved. I never felt love. I felt I was tolerated because I was there.”

“So as a kid I stood with a fat lip a lot.”

“And he molested her; he raped her, her own daddy.”

“I tried hard to love my queen, I really tried hard to love her, but I loved my crack, my dope, got back into that.”

 

-Locational Information

“I grew up in East New York, matter of fact, I was born and raised right there on Fulton Street, 1557, between Albany and Kingston.”

“I grew up in East New York, I grew up on Alabama [Avenue] between New Lots [Avenue] and Hegeman [Avenue] in the ‘60s.”

“…first left Bedford Stuyvesant my mother and I moved in from ’60 to ’64 to East New York, we moved on Hegeman Avenue between Alabama and Malta.”

“The city you grew up in – Brooklyn, NY.”

“Never been no place else but one time I went to Mobile, Alabama in 2003.”

“I got pregnant at 17 in 1975 and my daughter born and then she passed away in Brookdale hospital.”

“We wanted to have a baby so then I found out that my tubes were blocked and I couldn’t, so I went to, back then they had little clinics you could walk in off the street and they sent me to 59th Street and Columbus Circle to a big old building to do this procedure”

“I wasn’t thinking about it, I walked from 96th Street and Clarkson to Kings County Hospital.”

“Got my daughter back in’92 a year later, got her back but in the process of getting her back and going out to Amityville, Long Island to visit her in the foster care and the programs and stuff, I picked right back up, using.”

“She’s in King’s County, but she’s in the crazy house, the children’s crazy house.  So from there she went to Holliswood Hospital in Queens with all the different psych wards and stuff, and she’s suicidal, you know.”

“I just got my life together, I’m in the apartment I live in now 18 years.”

“And then I went into a program, because ACS got involved, and I went into a program.  I went to Kings County, the F Building or K Building whatever that is right there…”

“No.  I have a lot of spiritual people that…Joyce [redacted] from the Church of the Open Door,…It’s on Gold Street, downtown.”

“My daughter will tell you right now – did you know my mother runs my house from her house, and I live in Staten Island”

 

-Time

“I was born in ’58 so I’m young.”

“Like ’83.  I didn’t know that, that this person was setting me up; I was setting myself up for the downfall in my life; I didn’t know that.  So it changed me.  Drugs alter…everything.”

“I became sexually active at the age of 12–11 or 12–by the time I think I turned 20, I had a lot of sexual partners.”

“So about the time ’86 came around that’s when I had my queen, her name is [Z].”

“’86.  I met my daughter’s father and I—let’s say he hung around two days, you know?  He hung around a couple of days more than others.  We became friends, associates; everybody else was just wham, bam, thank you ma’am.”

“I went in, my ninth month. August 6th and I had my queen.”

“And somebody knew somebody who knew somebody who knew somebody who knew my husband, because I got married in ’90, and that’s when I found out I was HIV positive.  But he married me anyway.  I did the programs, I was clean and everything; in ’91 I went right back, I lost my daughter to the system.  Got my daughter back in’92 a year later, got her back but in the process of getting her back and going out to Amityville, Long Island to visit her in the foster care and the programs and stuff, I picked right back up, using.”

“And I lost her again when she was four.”

“And back then, they said people who had HIV had an expectancy to live five years.  This is ’93.  I had up until ’95…to try everything!  Because I’m not going to live!  So I was trying to try everything.  ’96 and ’97 came around I’m like – oh God!  So I got tired, I got tired. I got arrested one more time, and then after that I had a hysterectomy on May 24, 1998.”

“By the time ’99 came around I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

“I work, I’m a home health aide.  I started doing home health aide in ’86 but being pregnant with my daughter, doing home health, and being a crack addict all in the same year, I had to give up something.”

“In ’89 my husband and I was going to get married, and we got married December 12, 1990.”

“The people that are around, as an addict I didn’t sit home, from ’86 when I got on drugs, nobody sit home and watch TV.  When they started talking about the GRID or whatever it was, it was a disease that supposed to have been with these white guys in these bathhouses and the gay guys and stuff.”

“He knew in ’89 that he had AIDS.  But it wasn’t his responsibility – it was mine to protect myself.”

“So 2003 I had to let him go.  Here it is, 13 years later, and we’re back friends, he’s at my house now.”

“Here it is 27, 28 years, I still have an HIV diagnosis, 20% or less of viral load.  When I started medication in ’99 it was crixivan and combivir.”

“I just wanted to try something different.  The doctor put me on medication in ’99 when I got clean I went to the doctor…I said I’ve been positive now 10 years, could you give me something to boost my immune system.”

“In 2008 I had breast cancer.”

“Yeah I lost my brother in 2005 to the virus.”

 

-Personal Identifier

“I used to just beat up all the kids; I used to like that part a lot, I did.  They couldn’t beat me at nothing.”

“I’m a challenger, I still am.  I’m a challenger.”  

“I was boisterous.”  

“So I felt I just was born into the wrong family, you know?  There it is.  I didn’t never feel loved.  I never felt love.  I felt I was tolerated because I was there.”

“Um, I can’t keep up with the classroom because it takes me longer to read this sentence than the other children.  So not wanting to be the dumb child, I became the clown.”

“I have an aunt, now she’s in her 80’s and I love her, I’m learning how to love her because I learned how to love myself, so I know how to give love to other people.”

“I didn’t let adults say certain things.  Put it this way – I was a cusser.”

“Because I got a sharp tongue, had it all my life, I’m born with it.  I was the darkest one.”

“I became a somebody two or three years ago.  That’s why I could put the makeup on, I could dress up the outside; but did it match the inside?  No.  I just got there. I just got it.”

“We always say – this is just a saying back then because of the pain I went through…if I ever have kids, I’m not going to never do that to my children.  Hmm…it didn’t work that way.  Oh I did worse than my parents did with me.”

“And I got pregnant with my child in ’75 and I was heartbroken when she passed on, very, very heartbroken.”

“Got past the fifth month, got past the sixth month, got past the seventh month, but it didn’t stop me.  I kept drugging.  I was gone.  I didn’t have no attachment to the life that I was carrying.  I didn’t have that attachment.  I was gone.”

“Because I am a person that refused to let anyone hold me hostage in my past because I work hard to get past my past.”

“I am a positive person today.  I live my life very, very, very positive.”

“But I still had low self-esteem.  Very low self-esteem.”

“I’m stronger in my skin today.”

“My goal is, I know I’m ahead of time, but my goal is to bring awareness.  I live in Brownsville, Brooklyn.  My goal is to bring awareness to all the youth that’s out there.”  

“I came here today because I credit Downstate for keeping me alive.”

“Yes, we were the street runners.”

“But I’m not sad today being HIV positive.  I’m not sad today for the fact that had I not, and this might sound real strange, had I not started using drugs, had I not been in that place to meet the man that I met out there, using drugs, and doing what I do to get my drugs through that individual, I would never have my queen today.”

“I’m not happy to be HIV positive, but it gave me my blessing, my queen, my daughter is my queen.”

“Either I worked for it or the trials and tribulations of life that I’ve been through earned me a spot of happiness, joy, and peace and I deserve that and I earned that.”

“We going to grow old together!  He’s a very good guy, he say all the right things.”

 

-Environmental Identifier

“I have a very dysfunctional family.”

“If I felt as an adult you’re doing something, because back then in the ‘60s and ‘70s a child was supposed to be seen and not heard; that was they saying, it wasn’t mine.”

“James Brown came out with this record in the ‘60s or ‘70s…Say It Loud, I’m Black and I’m Proud.  So he gave me a little hope.”

“And I think during the time when Reagan came in office, ’82, ‘83 somewhere down in there, I was with him when he got her out of foster care and she came home for good.  And I’m sorry that I didn’t get guardianship papers over her.”

“So I had hundreds of multiple partners.  Because I have to find that love that my daddy was supposed to give to me.”

“There’s a fire in my room!”

“And back then, they said people who had HIV had an expectancy to live five years.”

“But from that day to this, nobody ever treated me different.  I didn’t know it was a secret.”

“I did meet Magic Johnson, he came to the church over there on Rochester and Dean Street.”

“But if you know anything about Brownsville, there’s a lot of killing going on, a lot of people with their turf, you live in that projects, I’m living over here, you’re claiming your turf.”